No Pain, No Gain

On a recent ESPN SportsCenter, all around show killer and resident valley low-life Joe Rogan, of the Fear Factor Rogan's, got into a verbal sparring match with boxing promoter Lou Dibella over the recent rise in popularity. Now I am not a fan of Dibella and his ilk, mainly his partner Don King, but I do agree with him and others in the boxing world like Bernard Hopkins that mixed martial arts (MMA) is nothing short of barbarism by another name, or "human cock fighting" as it was put by Dibella. This statement, to which Rogan responded with his usual ADHD response to everything he disagrees with.

There is no doubt that MMA is very popular with the WWE crowd, and the Spike TV show Ultimate Fighter has raked in the viewers with it's realistic tales of steroided out wannabe cage fighters that were abused as children or recovering from some addiction. I get that. What I don't get is how this brutal sport has the big guys like ESPN and Colin Cowherd obsessed enough to report match outcomes and have it's own weekly updated on Monday mornings. What's next, Arena Football League games on national television?

With regards to ESPN, it has decided pro bowling isn't enough and needs another niche sport to deliver content during the crucial 9:00 AM - 4:00 PM time period during the week. I can just see it now, MMA Tonight with Rogan and Randy Couture immediately following the three show mini poker marathon and dance cheerleading championships. After a couple of shows it will probably be able to lead into Rome is Burning. ESPN, desperate to fill the time spot left vacant by Quite Frankly with Stephan A. Smith, will finally give it the 2:30 PM eastern slot. Colin Cowherd will have his Daily Football Fix section augmented with MMA analysis by Chuck Liddell, and ESPNews will surely give us the Beatdown immediately following the Blitz.

Of course all this is said in jest, however the sudden acceptance of what at one time amounted to the thunderdome, 2 man enter - one man leaves, is extremely disturbing in these times. Violence and the portrayal of violence is on the incline, TV is bombarded with shows looking to push the envelope by depicting more portrayals of murders, rape, and aggravated assault. Hey, don't get me wrong, I loved it when Joey Pants got what was coming to him from Tony Soprano and Christopher Moltasanti. However it is a bit disturbing when a guy puts another guy's mouth on a step and proceeds to go American History X on him with a swift curbing depiction, as seen on the afore mentioned television drama. Not very Kosher when teeth go flying all over place.

We are however living in a time when there is actually a debate about whether or not Michael Vick, Atlanta Falcon quarterback, should be suspended, arrested, or just forgiven for his involvement in a dog fighting ring. Not only did he own the house where his thuged out relatives raised and mistreated dogs for fighting, but recent reports have him as actually participating in the fights by organizing matches, watching fights, and placing bets on winners. Apparently it wasn't enough for Vick to be brain dead on the field, he actually had to be a bigger idiot off.

So Rogan not withstanding, I just don't get this latest fad in sports. MMA today is just like the situation a few years ago when everyone became a Texas Hold 'Em expert after Chris Moneymaker won the World Series of Poker. Access to this niche sport has made it easy for the average moron to try to get into the arena. In a way, I support these mouth breathers' decisions to get their ass kicked on a regular basis. Why couldn't we place video cameras and watch in demand video of the office "martial artist," yes that means you C.T., getting another appendage broken by some meathead. Talk about entertaining, that's right up there with drunk chair throwing at the local mexican styled bar. I digress, but the point remains. What was the F'n point again?

Not Lovable, Just Plain Old Losers

With their yearly visit to Dodger Stadium, the Chicago Cubs bring with them their throngs of loyal fans, yes the same one's that love teeth scrappings, elective surgery, having dinner with their mother-in-laws, and drinking milk on really hot days. The same person who enjoys a good kick in the balls every now and then is the same one that loves their Cubs, and their eighty some odd years of futility that has left them with the title of "lovable losers."

Now, I don't mind fans coming out and cheering on their team, hell I love watching the unknowing Giant fan walk into the left field pavilion only to get pelted by hot dog bits, soda, cracker jacks, and random cat calls that equate to a spanish form of derogatory word for homosexual. What I do take issue with is when Cub fan comes out of the woodwork to pollute the pristine seats at the Revine. These people seem to really enjoy being the but of jokes, the guy who everyone laughs at not with, and that is always on the business end of a punch to the face. Tonight was no expection.

As the Cubs began their comback, massive cheers enveloped the stadium. Yes, Cub fan was finally woken from their slumber and had something to cheer about. What transpired was the pathetic display of bravado that is more fitting of a Yankee fan, or someone that has actually tasted victory in say the past 50 years or so. Waves of fans stood and cheered loudly as if the team had just won the world series, wait that is a wrong analoy seeing as how the only Cub fans that have fist hand knowledge of that statement are probably dead by now.

Now, looking onto the crowd, the majority looked like these idiots that love cheering teams that have cool uniforms or mystic, like the Oxnard Dallas Cowboy fan or the Glendale City College dropout Miami Hurricane fan. In other words, the guy who has never been to Chicago and claims it for whatever stupid reason. The other half looked transplants, the one's who hate the weather but love their Cubs. These people were probably the same that rooted on their hated White Sox in 2005 because "we are all Chicagoians." Right, and the Angels are actually from Anaheim.

To the Cub fan that has never lived, been to, or sat at Wrigley field in their life, crawl back into your rock and leave the stadium to the loyalists Dodger fan that want to sit through another display of poor plate disipline and lack of power. You guys make me sick, and you remind me of some of the biggest tools in the world.

Hey Cub fan, long live Bartman, huh!

POSTSCRIPT

Well, despite trying their best to win, the Cubs managed to lose another heart braker that is leading Sweet Lou Pinella to an early grave. Seven straight runs in the seventh inning by the Cubs could not hold up as the Cub bullpen imploded on itself for 4 staight in the eight and the eventual 9-8 win. And yes, those Cub fans that cheered so loudly earlier in the game were hanging their heads and crying in their beer. Pitching and Cubs don't mix, it's a fact. Go ask Kerry Wood and Mark Prior.

When In Doubt, Point The Finger In Another Direction

The St. Louis Cardinals and the baseball world was shocked when it learned that another of its promising family members died earlier last month. Josh Hancock, Cardinal reliever, was driving home after a long night of partying at a St. Louis restaurant bar and smashed into a tow truck that was assisting a stalled motorist on April 28. As baseball mourned the death of a promising athlete, mandates were given to all major league clubs to look into their post game alcohol policies.

Now we get word that Hancock's father, Dean, is filing suit against the Restaurant, Shannons', the tow truck driver, and the driver of the stalled vehicle, in an attempt to recoup some damages from the accident. Not only does this reek of something awful, but in this new era of never taking responsibility for one's actions, it seems all too typical.

In what adds up to another reach, Hancock's family is claiming Shannon's management and employees are liable because they failed to cut off the pitcher throughout his 3 1/2 hour drinking binge in the restaurant. Furthermore, Dean Hancock would have you believe that his son was not offered a cab, and was probably forced into his SUV and made to drive home under the influence. As if that wasn't enough, the elder Hancock would have us believe that it was the motorist's fault he got cut off earlier in the evening, spun out of control and became stalled in the right lane needing the assistance of a tow truck, that stopped to help out the motorists. The motorist and tow truck driver should pay out of their noses because had they not been there in that situation, Josh Hancock would have been able to drive through the area completely unimpeded and still under the influence. What a crock of s**t.

Truth is, Dean Hancock should come to the harsh realization that his son was an alcoholic degenerate, who got in his SUV and probably didn't care about anything other than his booze and the ounce of weed the cops found in his car. How about being a man and facing the fact that your son was an idiot, an alcoholic drug addict that thought he was above it all because he was pitching in the big leagues? What a disgrace, next you'll try to tell us that MLB is to blame because they are the one's who scheduled a day game. Give me a break.

This latest incident in the tragedy only goes to show that despite all the best laid plans of mice and men, people are still looking to pin the blame on any sucker they can find. Hancock's reckless attitude towards life in general was well documented, this wasn't the first time he had gotten blitz and driven home. Yet it's the motorist's fault he needed help, and the tow truck company's fault for helping him out. How about Josh's fault, where does that play into the equation? How about if he has all his senses, he doesn't need to get in his car, he can call a cab. How about if Josh has all his senses, he is able to see tow truck lights and the emergency lights of the stranded vehicle and is able to move to another lane and safely pass the scene? How about you just, Dean, accept the fact that your son was an immature baseball player, who thought that he was bigger than life, and paid the ultimate price for his errors?

In the end, there are no winners when it comes to this tragic ending for a promising young player. Instead of defending their world title, the Cardinals are trying to limp through the season picking up the pieces. Instead of celebrating a life posthumously, Dean Hancock prefers dishonoring himself and his family and not face reality.

Champions' League?

Every time I try to love soccer, the "World's Game," I get stuck by another crapper like the Champion's League final. For those of you that don't partake in the footballian arts, let me explain. Imagine the NCAA basketball tournament, only with multimillionaires and you can't use your hands. In any case, Champion's League pins the best teams from every European country in a winner take all tournament to cap off the UEFA (United European Football Association) season.

The problem with the tournament this year is two fold; first, the two teams to meet up in the finals this year are no where near winning their respective leagues, hardly the stuff of champions. Second, AC Milan was allowed to participate, and here is where the situation gets a bit dicey.

During last summer's World Cup, the big talk after Italy won the trophy by default was how the victory was going to lift the spirits of Serie A fans who's teams were facing reprimands for fixing matches. Now, in the USA, that kind of stuff is frowned upon, and guys like Pete Rose pay the ultimate prize for being degenerates and all around bad guys. In Italy and other European countries, it seems to be par for the course. Among the teams that got slapped with a "sanction" was AC Milan, who was deducted points for their parts in the scandal. The hardest hit club was Juventus of Turin, who were relegated to the lower division and caste into obscurity.

Now, here is a classic example of why politics is more important to Sepp Blatter, FIFA dictator, and UEFA. AC Milan was found to be eligible for the tournament despite them being reprimanded in their home league and deducted points. Imagine UCLA being found guilty of violating NCAA rules and their games forfeited and win total deducted by the PAC 10 on the verge the NCAA tournament, and still being allowed to participate and win the whole thing. That would be a royal cluster F*%K and the NCAA would lose all credibility in it's tournament. FIFA seems to not care about doing what is right, only selling out San Siro, Milan's home stadium, and racking in billions in revenue from fanatical Milan fans that probably have never been out of their respective countries, let alone actually touched down in Milan.

This then leaves the marginal foosball fan with a sour taste in his mouth. A team that had copped to being a band of dirty bastards is allowed to not only participate, but actually win the crown jewel of European club soccer. What's next, fixing the world rankings as to make a team seem better then they actually are and sticking them in one of the toughest groups at the World Cup, no wait, that happened to the USA last year. Oh I know, letting a third world nation like South Africa, a country that can't afford to treat millions of poverty and disease ridden citizens, let alone pay back World Bank loans, win the bid for the next World Cup thus committing it to spending billions towards state of the art stadiums instead of healthcare and education. No, that seemed to have happen as well.

So, the football fan should take in this final, and should celebrate the victors. We seem to celebrate mediocrity and deceitfulness a lot these days.