Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Gross Polluters

Not only are the Lakers quitters, but they aren't very environmentally friendly. Had the team actually wanted to make a game of it last night, then perhaps the plane trip to the farthest NBA destination would have been worth it. However, with the lack of enthusiasm and desperate play that was required for a game 6 win and an extension of the Finals, the Lakers showed that they were better off not wasting the petrol and destroying the environment with the wasted trip. It's kind of like keeping your Ford Explorer idle in your drive way for a couple of days.

If I was Phil Jackson, I would probably be calling up Luc Longley and Ricky Williams and planning another surf trip to Bora Bora. I would especially be asking Ricky to pack extra cush to deal with this Finals' stinker. Seriously, Phil has to look in the mirror and realize that despite all his new age thinking, his team quit on him and he was not able to motivate a team that should have made a better show of it last night.

I have always said that the NBA is worthless. It features athletes will poor educational sets and open drug addictions to tree who don't even take the league that seriously. Half of the team is watching the dancing girls' routine during the breaks in play or are on their Blackberry's making dinner reservations. Last night reinforces that for me. A team was going through the motions in a must win game and got blown the 'F out by 39. That is recreational league bad. Professionals making millions should not be getting blown out by 40 in the most important game of their lives. It's simply impossible for me to believe that the Lakers decided to play the worst game of the season, in the most important one.

And that is EXACTLY why the NBA is a non-league. That is EXACTLY why is it no where near Football and despite what some "analysts" say, is never going to be on par with baseball despite the disastrous job Bud Selig has done. Peyton Manning would never get blown out by 40 points in the AFC Championship game, he may lose to the Pats or the Chargers, but never get totally worked. Derek Jeter, despite having a down year this year, would never allow his Yankee team to get smoked by 20 runs in the close out game of a series. Again, his teams may lose, but they would never get run out of the yard the way the Lakers did last night.

In soccer, it's respectable to lose by a couple of goals. Even the 4-1 French loss in the Euro Cup 2008 to the Dutch was seen as respectable. What isn't respectable would be something like the 8-0 drubbing team USA gave Barbados last Sunday. Right now, the Lakers are more Barbados than France. That's saying a lot.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

How do you know Stern is lying? His lips are moving.

With everyday that passes, and with the news cycles keeping the story alive, the more I am convinced that there might be something to this Tim Donaghy story about the NBA being fixed. Here is why.

As I tuned in the last couple of days to my usual mindless commute talk radio, ESPN Radio 710, I was greeted to NBA mouthpiece Colin Cowherd going on about how it was impossible the league was rigged, how there was nothing to the Donaghy allegations, and how people who believed the league was rigged was a kin to tin foil on the head guy.

We take the example set forth by talk radio, mainly Rush Limbaugh, who made it his mission to sell the company line behind the weapons of mass destruction line of reasoning that led this country into a war. As history has show, there were no weapons, and there was no real threat posed by the Iraqi regime, who ultimately was conquered in record time and, well you know the rest.

Now, I bring up this parallel because it mirrors the current NBA situation. I am an empirical data type of guy. If you show me proof, I'll believe you, if you don't then I won't, however I will at least give you the forum to explain your position and make a case for your statements. I think the majority of people are willing to do that. Why won't certain talk show hosts and spin masters?

Well, as we have seen by the Fox news approach to politics, ESPN hosts are trying to spin the company line and, what is even more offensive, is that they are trying to discredit anyone who might have some compelling evidence or observation to make by simply labeling them "conspiracy theorists." Why the hard line tactics? Why the smear campaigns and misdirection? Is it because you simply don't want to waste air time by simply putting all these "believers" in a bucket and label them whack jobs? Or, is it because they are afraid that there may be an ounce of truth to the matter and have to hit the spin cycle to keep the crap that will eventually hit the fan off of their pressed shirts and nice ties?

Taking a look simply at what Doneghy stated in his letter to the judge handling his sentencing, it may have the tone of a desperate man who is looking to slice a few years off his time for giving up the goods to the feds. Hey, a sexy bombshell like, "NBA playoff series are rigged" is a perfect way to throw a guy, in this case David Stern, under a bus. And sure, this may all be part of some made up fantasy that Donaghy concocted while sitting in his cell. However why not address it logically and with facts and figures proving his points wrong? This would seem like the most effective way to downplay the allegations and move on to the next item that will dominate the news cycle.

Stern, however, comes back with name calling and judgmental speak about the rouge ref and uses a PR machine crafted smear campaign to distance the league from the allegations. Ah, memo to David Stern, this is what the Bush Administration tried doing to the American public and look at how that has turned out. Wake up Stern, you can't just use the "he's a criminal, scumbag" card to get rid of all this garbage. You can't just go around throwing your stones and pull the "nothing to see over here" act ah la Kevin Bacon in Animal House.

I would have let he allegations go as well, and just seen the letter to the judge by Donaghy for what it was, an attempt by a degenerate to take down as many people as he could on his way to the can. However the fact that people are still talking about it, and the fact that David Stern is still talking about, and the fact that NBA mouth piece ESPN, who has a lucrative television deal with the association, is still talking about, leads me to believe that there is something behind this mess. I mean, just deny and move on, no need to drill into our heads how this is so obviously fake and how Donaghy is such a scumbag and anyone who believes him also believes that 9/11 was a inside job. The more they say, the more I take them as that little boy trying to lie about ditching school and going on and on about a fictional story that occurred at school.

A footnote to all this is the NBA's peculiar actions throughout these playoffs. If you recall, back in game 4 of the Western Conference finals, Brent Barry of the San Antonio Spurs caught the ball with 2.1 seconds on the clock. He head faked Derek Fisher, who left his feet and made contact with Barry. Barry ended up dribbling to the side and making an off target shot and the Spurs later lost the game. When asked during the post game, all the Spurs players said that was not a foul, and Coach Gregg Popovich said it was not a foul as well. A couple days later, the NBA released a statement saying that the refs had made an error, and that a foul should have been called. That decision was questioned be many and the non-call was the talk of the rest of the playoff series.

A preemptive strike for all the criticism the league would be receiving for the bad officiating in the finals? Maybe a "cut off at the pass" for the series fixing allegations that would come a couple weeks later. As with other parallels, history will eventually reveal the truth. As far as I'm concerned, let Ralph Nader and the Maloof brothers have their investigations and let Stern have a fire lit under his ass. All I care about is that this damn series and season be over so I can get my baseball highlights and football training camp news in a timely manner without all this ESPN analysis of a silly game.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Stern Crime Family ... A.K.A. the NBA

You know why I am not at all upset nor surprised that the favored Lakers are going down in flames? It's because I know the league is rigged. Hey don't believe me, just look at what disgraced ex-ref Tim Donaghy. "If the NBA wanted a team to succeed, league officials would inform referees that opposing players were getting away with violations. Referees then would call fouls on certain players." Yeah, that pretty much sums up the 2008 NBA Finals.

To NBA commissioner David Stern's discredit, he is going to the rat card by attempting to discredit Donaghy as a stool pigeon that is looking to turn states' evidence in order to get a lighter sentence. And we thought that line of thinking only applied to John Gotti.

What this is, is most likely the allocution of a person who knows he has a one way ticket to the can where hardened criminals that have committed federal offenses will line up to take their crack at the fair skinned man. Remember, federal "pound me in the ass" penitentiaries are filled with drug dealers, organized crime members, kidnappers, and murders. Not, contrary to popular belief, the Pete Roses of the world.

So, as the Lakers look befuddled and are victimized by refs who reward Celtic thuggery with non-calls and advantage plays, let's remember what Donaghy, a scum bag yes, but someone that has no real reason to lie seeing as how he is still headed for the big house, says about the situation and the policies of the NBA. Thirty eight to ten free throw advantage, Leon F'n Powe shooting more free throws than the entire Laker team? Yeah, I buy that. By the way, I hear the Brooklyn Bridge is for sale as well.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Pea(vy) Brain

Far be it for me to accuse anyone of being a cheater, especially so early in the season, however it looks like we have our first nominee for cheat rat f%@k of the year. Yes, those pictures don't lie, Jake "The Snake" Peavy, defending Cy Young awards winner, was filmed after the Friar's Saturday afternoon 4-1 win over the Dodgers with a funny looking substance on his pitching hand. Funny how it looks a lot like the black (tar) substance that Kenny Rogers' had on his hand during the 2006 World Series to roast the Cardinals. Fortunately for all, the Tigers and the cheating Rogers ended up watching the Cards win it all. Cheaters never win.

The internet is packed with conspiracy theories and apologists, however one thing seams clear. Unless Peavy wiped his ass prior to shaking his teammate's hands after the win without a piece of toilet paper, Peavy has been dipping into the Bardahl for a little extra zip on his fastball and bite on his breaking ball. Funny thing is, Josh Bard, Friar catcher, stated after the game that Peavy had exceptional control on this off speed pitches and change ups.

Now, I'm not professional hitter, nor have I ever been confused for much of a ball player, even in high school when the Gaffer rode the pine to a CIF city title, but something tells me that if Ricky Sanchez was able to throw 3 no-hitters in the northern league en route an MVP season with Crisco under his hat, then Bardahl will sure the hell work with someone that is a professional pitcher at the highest level.

This is flat out disgusting, that a guy with that much talent has to go out and put axle grease on his hand to get an extra edge over a team that he has traditionally dominated. Although there is no real evidence, wouldn't surprise me if this isn't the first time this country bumpkin pulled some of this bush league crap to get an edge.

Once a cheater always a cheater I guess. And to that myopic Friar fan who said it was only "dirt" on his hand, you know who you are you subscriber, unless Petco Park is getting their infield dirt from the burnt deserts of Iraq, that looks a little to greasy to be dirt. Story, as always, is developing.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A New Season Is Upon Us

After taking a hiatus from commenting on the ineptitude of our local sports teams' management, most notably the Dodgers, the Gaffer is back to comment and report on the new season. I have to at this time, however, start with a basketball story.

The Clippers are the laughing stock of the team and have been for the majority of my lifetime. This team is an absolute joke and Elgin Baylor, ex-Laker great, has been nothing short of inept when it comes to running the basketball operations of this club. They share the same arena as one of the most celebrated squads in NBA history, the Lakers, and still seem to find a way of drafting guys no one else wanted and signing guys that are barely holding on. Brevin Knight was the big off season acquisition, and from the looks of it, it was either the Clips or the D-league.

This season has been shot since jump, and the common reasoning that is making the rounds is that Elton Brand's blown achillies tendon, which he ruptured playing a workout pick up game with Chris Kaman in the summer, was to blame for the team's misfortunes. That, coupled with Shaun Livingston nearly having his leg fall off in a late season game last year resulting in a blown knee, seemed to have plagued the team from the beginning.

The truth of the matter is that despite that magical run two seasons ago, when the Clips were a set of foul shots away from beating the Phoenix Suns in game 7 of their playoff serious, the Clips really haven't done much since the days of Michael Cage, Ron Harper, and Danny Manning, and believe me brother, that was a long time ago. Back then you had to drive to South LA and park your car in come guy's lawn only to watch it get towed after he swindled you for his "discounted" parking plan on his property and called tow truck driver. Yes, those were the days.

I remember it like it was yesterday, when the city was gripped with Clipper fever as the team had finally qualified for the playoffs and despite getting their heads kicked in my Karl Malone and his small short wearing side kick John Stockton in a five game opening round series, Mike Cage's shinning curled head and Danny Manning's goofy face made it all worth it. Those were great times.

Now, we are stuck with a bunch of guys that have limited talent and don't seem to want to play for Mike Dunleavy. A shame, really, because the guys is a decent coach and has had shades of brilliance on the bench. Earlier this season, he and owner Donald Sterling got into a tiff about the team being so bad, and Dunleavy, like a real G, responded that he could only do so much given the talent level he had to work with. A shot at GM Baylor, yes, and quite frankly, you get what you pay for when you have gues like Dan Dickau and Smush Parker on your team.

In the end, you are what you say you are, as Dennis Green put it, and the Clippers seem to be just happy to be hear. Visiting their official website, the first couple of scrolling marquees on their home page are of Clipper Spirit girls, the less talented off shoot of the Laker Girls. When your season has come down to putting attractive women on the site instead of your key players, you know you're having a bad season.

When it comes to the Clippers, it all seems inferior. From their roster to the uniforms, coaching staff, and cheerleaders. Hell even their radio broadcast can't hold a microphone to Spiro Diddis and Mychal Thompson.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Forget the Dodgers, Let's Talk Barry

As the City by the Bay bid farewell to one of their biggest "icons," Barry Bonds this week, I find it only fitting to offer up a little tribute from his hometown San Francisco Weekly. Please enjoy with your morning coffee, or perhaps an nice pastry.

Steroids Confidential

Tasty excerpt:

Under his friend's tutelage, the authors reported, Barry Bonds pumped iron and steroids alike with ferocious zeal. He endured numerous physical changes symptomatic of doping, Game of Shadows asserted, including sexual dysfunction, hair loss, and skin irritation. Yet unlike the book's somber treatment of such topics, Marlon Leftwich claims Anderson fondly reminisced about using an emery board to sand down his prized client's back acne. Leftwich recalls Anderson saying, "One time I told Barry I was gonna sell a snuff tin of his skin flakes on eBay. He got the biggest fing grin on his face and said, 'Be sure I get my cut of the profits.'" But his smile would go south in 2001 during spring training. Rapid skull growth, another indicator of heavy steroids use, had placed undue strain on the slugger's neck, resulting in hairline fractures in three upper vertebrae. According to Leftwich, Anderson disclosed that, as a remedy, doctors implanted a small titanium brace at the base of Bonds' skull to keep his abnormally large head upright. The procedure was an unqualified success: He hit 73 home runs that season, breaking McGwire's record by three.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Just Plain Sad

I never thought I would say this about my squad, but these are the biggest quitters I have ever seen. Case in point, eight inning against the Astros. Kent flies out to left, Loney strikes out looking like the over matched semi-rookie that he is, and Russell Martin, the All Star, strikes out looking extremely bad on three pitches. So long season. I am only amazed that the people who decided to use another night to be cruel to themselves, didn't rush the field and attack Grady Little for his lack of baseball management ability.

I can't say any more about this team and this season because it is not even worth it anymore. The team has lost it's heart and quite frankly, I have lost my stomach watching this piece of rotten turd they call a baseball team. I know high school teams, hell, I know little league teams that have more heart and fight in them then Furcal, Pierre, Martin, Kent, Gonzalez, Loney, Eithier, Hillabrand, and whatever loser they place in the ninth spot. God damn disgrace is what this band of jag offs have become.