A New Season Is Upon Us

After taking a hiatus from commenting on the ineptitude of our local sports teams' management, most notably the Dodgers, the Gaffer is back to comment and report on the new season. I have to at this time, however, start with a basketball story.

The Clippers are the laughing stock of the team and have been for the majority of my lifetime. This team is an absolute joke and Elgin Baylor, ex-Laker great, has been nothing short of inept when it comes to running the basketball operations of this club. They share the same arena as one of the most celebrated squads in NBA history, the Lakers, and still seem to find a way of drafting guys no one else wanted and signing guys that are barely holding on. Brevin Knight was the big off season acquisition, and from the looks of it, it was either the Clips or the D-league.

This season has been shot since jump, and the common reasoning that is making the rounds is that Elton Brand's blown achillies tendon, which he ruptured playing a workout pick up game with Chris Kaman in the summer, was to blame for the team's misfortunes. That, coupled with Shaun Livingston nearly having his leg fall off in a late season game last year resulting in a blown knee, seemed to have plagued the team from the beginning.

The truth of the matter is that despite that magical run two seasons ago, when the Clips were a set of foul shots away from beating the Phoenix Suns in game 7 of their playoff serious, the Clips really haven't done much since the days of Michael Cage, Ron Harper, and Danny Manning, and believe me brother, that was a long time ago. Back then you had to drive to South LA and park your car in come guy's lawn only to watch it get towed after he swindled you for his "discounted" parking plan on his property and called tow truck driver. Yes, those were the days.

I remember it like it was yesterday, when the city was gripped with Clipper fever as the team had finally qualified for the playoffs and despite getting their heads kicked in my Karl Malone and his small short wearing side kick John Stockton in a five game opening round series, Mike Cage's shinning curled head and Danny Manning's goofy face made it all worth it. Those were great times.

Now, we are stuck with a bunch of guys that have limited talent and don't seem to want to play for Mike Dunleavy. A shame, really, because the guys is a decent coach and has had shades of brilliance on the bench. Earlier this season, he and owner Donald Sterling got into a tiff about the team being so bad, and Dunleavy, like a real G, responded that he could only do so much given the talent level he had to work with. A shot at GM Baylor, yes, and quite frankly, you get what you pay for when you have gues like Dan Dickau and Smush Parker on your team.

In the end, you are what you say you are, as Dennis Green put it, and the Clippers seem to be just happy to be hear. Visiting their official website, the first couple of scrolling marquees on their home page are of Clipper Spirit girls, the less talented off shoot of the Laker Girls. When your season has come down to putting attractive women on the site instead of your key players, you know you're having a bad season.

When it comes to the Clippers, it all seems inferior. From their roster to the uniforms, coaching staff, and cheerleaders. Hell even their radio broadcast can't hold a microphone to Spiro Diddis and Mychal Thompson.

Forget the Dodgers, Let's Talk Barry

As the City by the Bay bid farewell to one of their biggest "icons," Barry Bonds this week, I find it only fitting to offer up a little tribute from his hometown San Francisco Weekly. Please enjoy with your morning coffee, or perhaps an nice pastry.

Steroids Confidential

Tasty excerpt:

Under his friend's tutelage, the authors reported, Barry Bonds pumped iron and steroids alike with ferocious zeal. He endured numerous physical changes symptomatic of doping, Game of Shadows asserted, including sexual dysfunction, hair loss, and skin irritation. Yet unlike the book's somber treatment of such topics, Marlon Leftwich claims Anderson fondly reminisced about using an emery board to sand down his prized client's back acne. Leftwich recalls Anderson saying, "One time I told Barry I was gonna sell a snuff tin of his skin flakes on eBay. He got the biggest fing grin on his face and said, 'Be sure I get my cut of the profits.'" But his smile would go south in 2001 during spring training. Rapid skull growth, another indicator of heavy steroids use, had placed undue strain on the slugger's neck, resulting in hairline fractures in three upper vertebrae. According to Leftwich, Anderson disclosed that, as a remedy, doctors implanted a small titanium brace at the base of Bonds' skull to keep his abnormally large head upright. The procedure was an unqualified success: He hit 73 home runs that season, breaking McGwire's record by three.

Just Plain Sad

I never thought I would say this about my squad, but these are the biggest quitters I have ever seen. Case in point, eight inning against the Astros. Kent flies out to left, Loney strikes out looking like the over matched semi-rookie that he is, and Russell Martin, the All Star, strikes out looking extremely bad on three pitches. So long season. I am only amazed that the people who decided to use another night to be cruel to themselves, didn't rush the field and attack Grady Little for his lack of baseball management ability.

I can't say any more about this team and this season because it is not even worth it anymore. The team has lost it's heart and quite frankly, I have lost my stomach watching this piece of rotten turd they call a baseball team. I know high school teams, hell, I know little league teams that have more heart and fight in them then Furcal, Pierre, Martin, Kent, Gonzalez, Loney, Eithier, Hillabrand, and whatever loser they place in the ninth spot. God damn disgrace is what this band of jag offs have become.

Wait Til Next Year

"The boys of summer" as they were called back in the Brooklyn days, used to have a saying when they would come up short of a world title, "wait til next year." That saying died off after they Trolley Dodgers finaly got over the hump and beat the Yankees. However that saying is making a comeback, courtesy of yours truly, because this latest incarnation of the Dodgers is just as doomed for disaster as those teams were.

Grady Little is in way in over his head. However it really isn't his fault. Ned Colletti failed to pull the trigger last Tuesday, and what has transpired is all of one win after playing probably the worst team in the MLB, the Giants, and dropping the first two of three to the Diamondbacks, who despite leading the west by a couple of games, really aren't that great and certainly not worthy of making the playoffs with that collection of losers and mediocre talent. That of course, then makes the Dodgers a certified piece of shite, that despite all their experience and age, are looking up at the Dbacks.

So back to the 1 win. It was a dramatic win, however it came against a weak reliever, Randy Messenger, and it took a well placed bomb by Nomar to get it done. However the team is still mired in a wicked slump that has seen it go from first place to 3 back in the standings with the prospects of facing on of the NL's best pitchers, reigning Cy Young winner Brandon Webb, so it will be more like 4 games by the time Monday comes around. Great strategy Ned.

Bill Plaschke, LA Times columnest and ESPN regular, has apparently fallen in love with Ned, the former newspaper guy, and gave him a free pass after the trade deadline netted Scott Proctor. The big bat that was promissed and the starting pitcher that the team desperately needs never came, and Ned was given the keys to the city by Plaschke, and praised for not giving up on some of the prospects that could have netted Mark Teixeira and possibly that pitcher, like Joe Blanton from the A's or John Garland from the ChiSox. But, what is not done, is not done, and we are left with James Loney and Matt Kemp, Andre Ethier and Tony Abreu. Guys that have great upside, however are starting to play like prospects and not proven veteran hitters.

Am I complaining, you bet your sweet ass. I wanted to see that big bat. I wanted to see that solid arm that not only would have been an upgrade for this year, but would have stuck around for a few years. It isn't like Plaschke put it, that Ned did more by not doing anything, because what he has done in give up in a year when the National League was his to win, and quite possibly with home field advantage. The Dodgers could have had the best record in the NL had they picked up that bat, there is no doubt in my mind because the NL is weak, and hell, the Red Sox are going to win the World Series anyway, so just being there would have been enough for me.

This crap sandwich is over, the Dodgers are not going to win the west nor the wild card and are going to miss the playoffs, again, and that 1 win since 1988 is not in any danger of being upstaged.

Dodger DEAD Line

Well, it isn't like I didn't warn you. In making my monthly trek back to the blog with a little pent up spirit, here I was thinking that the Dodgers were going to be serious players in this trade deadline market. I clearly see, I was just as caught up in all the speculation leading up to the deadline, which, for lack or better words, turned out to be a turd for most.

What is funny is that all the apologists are out in force. Dodger and LA Times bloggers are running rampant spreading the company line, "Teixera was never really a viable option in LA, and the Dodgers were never really players in that chase." Sure, I guess all that young talent that Ned Colletti doesn't want to give up and that everyone raves about were worthless seeing as how the Rangers, who would dress a monkey with a glove if they could, didn't want any part of them.

In reality, what came down was Colletti losing his spirit and his trigger finger, which in this case was a liability and not a blessing. A package of James Loney, Tony Abreu/Andy LaRoche, and another quality prospect was reportedly shot down by the Rangers. Yeah right. More like the Dodgers didn't to part ways with unproven guys because of some "pressure" that may exist in the media. Loney is a nice player, don't get me wrong, but the best he is going to do is Mark Grace and not Fred McGriff. Abreu and LaRoche, yeah OK, more unproven light hitters that can't adapt to big league pitching.

So then, was it that these guys really have that much promise and cannot be given in a trade, or is that the Colletti PR machine has been spitting out half truths about the true abilities of their prospects. I mean, Atlanta gave up far less then what the Dodgers offered, yet they managed to land two of the biggest prizes of the market. You're telling me the Dodgers, with all that wealth of talent, couldn't match or beat a Brave offer that was reminiscent of the bag of baseballs and stiffs that went to San Diego for the afore mentioned McGriff? That's a down right steal, and it isn't that John Shurholtz, Braves' GM, is that savvy, on the contrary, his moves are pedestrian at best with only one World Championship to show for it, a title that he and Bobby Cox won by default as Mike Hardgrove and John Hart were just as mediocre.

There is no telling what is going to happen in these final two months, but the talking point making the rounds that the other teams in the NL didn't do anything so it isn't that bad is also flawed. Sure, they didn't make any moves, but you forget that Arizona still has some young arms and bats that are hot at the right time and the Friars still have that pitching staff. So no, it's not the same because those teams are still hanging around and the Dodgers have played their best ball. Derek Lowe is hurt, Brad Penny is running out of quality starts, and the back of our rotation is a who's who of dead arms and deader heads. No it doesn't look good and, to top it all off, f'n Barry is in town and we have to deal with his steroid inflated ego in our town.

Not So Happy Times

These two are smiling because they managed to pull the wool over our eyes, again. Not only has Frank "the Bank" McCourt managed to deliver us who bleed blue another lack luster season full of old stiffs that amount to another second or third place finish and, if we are lucky, a kick in the head come playoff time, but all the promises that were made about getting better throughout the season, and "doing what we have to win" have also slipped out the other side of these con artist's mouths.

It may be a bit much, and I admit that when it comes to the blue, I am less than objective, however it's pretty troubling that Mark Texiera is going to the Braves for an unproven player, a minor leaguer, and the perpetual "player to be named." It's not like the Braves had to give up Brian McCann or Jeff Francouer for one of the best hitters in the American League, just a guy that has unproven hitting talent. Hell, Matt Kemp and James Loney can not only hit, but are proven complimentary players and are young talent. Why not trade one of these guys for a proven masher? I mean God damnit, how many more Nomar at-bats do we have to live through to realize that his better years are long past.

And if that wasn't enough, word on the street is that Octavio Dotel is on his way to the Braves as well. I mean seriously, is Ned Colletti asleep at the wheel or what? Did he have emergency spleen surgery or was held captive by a band of terrorists some where? That is the only reason to be caught off guard this bad. Seriously, talk about getting caught with your pants down. Now, the Dodgers don't have the proven bat down the stretch or the reliever they most desperately needed. There may be more to come, but right now I'm freaking too pissed to write anymore.

UPDATE
The trade deadline is looming and it looks like Trader Ned isn't going to pull the trigger on anything meaningful except recycled garbage, Scott Proctor. Also, to make things a little worse, this was taken from today's LA Times: "The Dodgers announced that they have surpassed the 3.5-million mark in ticket sales, making this the third consecutive season and fifth time overall in which the team will draw 3.5 million fans."

Congratulations fans, you suckers got rope-a-doped again.

Don't Expect The World When It Comes To Becks

July 13 is quickly approaching, and that can only mean one thing. Yes, David Beckham makes his debut in Los Angeles among the legions of footie novices that will now, no doubt, be rabid fans of the world's game. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, John Travolta, Kelly Preston, Will Smith, and all those other Hollywood and Vermont Avenue freaks will be out in force to cheer on their man.

Am I excited, sure. Rarely are we given the opportunity to see a person that transcends his sport and becomes the icon for a game throughout the entire world. However I think that both the media and the marginal fan are going to lose their love with this sport and Becks shortly after they sit though an entire 90 minutes and Becks doesn't score. This begs a primer.

Becks get lauded as a goal scorer, and the above video illustrates why he was become a house hold name through the years. Yes, no one can quite bend it like Beckham, however as a midfielder, Beckham isn't exactly Ronaldo when it comes to being a prolific scorer. As a person who's job it is to deliver service, or passes, to forward players, Beckham is only as good as his forwards are. In the case of the Galaxy, the two up top that will have the added burden of having to convert a great crossing pass into a goal will be little known Nate Jaqua and American all-time leading scorer Landon Donovan. Sure LanDo knows how to score, but his game is greatly limited by a lack of one-on-one abilities that differentiate players like him to other MLS forwards such as Taylor Twellman or Brian Ching, although their talents are somewhat suspect as well. Landon is a "catch it in stride and hope to beat the keeper off his line" type of forward that has trouble running at defenders or winning balls in the air, ah la Brian McBride.

Also, Becks isn't the most nifty of foot, so to expect him to hold the ball in the midfield is also going to be a big ask. Beck's dribbling abilities are pedestrian at best and the visions that many have of him taking a ball in the lower third, dribbling up field, and delivering a cross at the foot of his forwards are also far fetched. Not only is Becks not going to play the hold the ball and wait to create an opportunity, but he is going to look to pass as soon as the ball is at his feet, something that runs counter to out "hold the ball for the last shot" mentality.

So what the hell am I trying to say? Well, don't look for the Galaxy games to look like the exciting brand of football that is seen in Europe. At they end of the day MLS is a league fill of guys that couldn't make it in Europe and want to live by the beach. However, if you care to watch and learn, then you will see why the subtleties of Beckham's game is the reason why people love him, and not the tattoos, brilliant fashion sense, or wild hair styles. For those that notice, the nuance is what it is all about, the above goal not withstanding.